A Bolt From the Blue

Here I am again, and not quite sure why this time.  My “mood disorder” speaks harmful words to me and I become paralyzed and defeated.

I haven’t dealt with “the beast” for over a year now, but it snuck up on me, trying to devour me.

It is at times like this that others try to comfort with words of scripture, not knowing that those words seldom make it through the murky layers of my disease to the darkness that has become my heart.

So I beg and plead “Jesus, please find me!”  Amazingly he does, eventually.

He uses doctors and social workers and nurses.  All alien to me, but gifts once I allow myself to trust them.  My other caretakers are on the outside praying for me.  The thought of that makes tears well up in my eyes.  What have I ever done to deserve such love?

The sun does begin to dissolve the seemingly endless night of my soul.  Scripture has meaning again.  I am shaky on my soul’s recovering  legs, like a newborn colt, but I am still here.  God has enfolded me in his arms and sheltered me under eagle’s wings.

“For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything.”  I John 3:20