Heaven and Nature Sing

This has been a highly unusual year for me.  I’ll recap, not to look back, but to give vantage to my readers.  March came in with an extensive abdominal surgery.  Took a few months of recovery, but I was able to finish my courses for the semester.

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 Unfortunately, I was refusing to recognize that my sister, who had been very ill for a year and ½, was reaching the end of her life.  It wasn’t until September that I finally understood what was going to happen.  When she did pass in mid-October, I was numb.  Grieving came difficultly.

  Things started falling apart about this time.  I dragged myself into my primary care doctor’s office at the first of November.  He is one of the few people who know me well enough to realize when I am crashing.  He did.  I love the fact that he did not mince words with me during this time.

  I spent the next two weeks in the hospital, getting meds adjusted and trying to deal with all of the emotions I had stuffed.  I was released and spent the next few weeks in an outpatient program.  At the end of November, I was due to be released, when, thank God, the professionals there saw that I was worse than I was when I had entered.  Another week inpatient, this time, however, the trip was very worthwhile.  When I finished with a week of outpatient, I was able to internalize what was being taught and I was ready to be home again.

 This leads me to Christmas.  I am still not myself and will not be for a while.  Christmas needed to be quiet and subdued.  I was unable to handle anything else, and I am blessed with friends and family who saw this too and helped me to keep things simple.

 Church last night was amazing.  One of my favorite speakers gave the message and did not disappoint.  He spoke of God and how miniscule we are in comparison to him.  He spoke of the miracle that it was that God would reduce himself to the most humble being on the most humble planet in the most insignificant galaxy in the universe.

 I kept coming back to that manger and Christ’s love.  Being in some of the places I’ve been this year, I endured by holding onto that love.  It was demonstrated to me by those who visited me, some repeatedly, and those who took care of my family in my absence.  I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my church and all of those who did so much to make me and my family feel so loved.  I have rested in that love today.  My children came together to design a day that was devoted to us and free of stress.

 My kids showed their maturity by realizing that none of us were up to the usual pile of presents and the shopping trips and money that were involved there. I think we’ve started a new tradition.  We picked names and really thought about that one gift we were getting for that one person. It was great!  My youngest got my name and is buying me my first tattoo.  (To be fair, I told him I wanted it!)  We had breakfast together and then my husband and I took a long walk together.  We came home and my daughter and I finished up dinner plans.  Unfortunately, I drank eggnog, not realizing my stomach couldn’t handle it.  I missed dinner!

 We had some of our usual visitors at dinner and over the evening.  Friends of my children who are always welcome.  They know the rhythms of our household well enough that they blend right in.  I am proud of the friends that my children have picked, especially this year.  My son Jonathan has a friend, Syd, who visited me with Jon at the hospital a few times.  A psych ward is not an easy place to visit.  Most people have few or no visitors.  I didn’t have a day without a visitor.  It was a huge blessing.

 Now everyone has dispersed. I am sitting in the quiet and typing about my holiday and how I came to be here under these circumstances.  I thank God that I am here to spend this day with the ones I love.  I thank him, knowing that while I am down for now, he has great plans for my life still.  No hurt is wasted, no tear uncounted by a God that loves each insignificant, humble, unremarkable one of us.

 May he who sent the baby in the manger bless your lives richly, and may he fill you with the peace that only he can give.  I hope your 2017 dawns with his power and mercy in every aspect of your life!

God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,               I Corinthians 1:28