Of Splinters and Confidence of the Soul

I’ve learned an important lesson lately, in a most painful way. I think that the essential lessons don’t come easily so that we appreciate just how crucial they are.  

 The lesson I have learned is that MY OPINION OF ME IS MORE IMPORTANT (TO ME) THAN OTHER’S OPINIONS OF ME.  I told you it was a significant one – also one I should have learned a long time ago.

 I learned it by being forced to deal with a particular person in an authority position over me.  No choice in this one. I was in the room with him whether I wanted to be or not.

 At first, I reacted as I usually do with authority figures.  I listened to everything he had to say and tried to ingratiate myself to him.  

 HA!!  Not this guy!

  I think that tactic made him more annoyed with me than he had seemed at first.  So I went to my second reaction, I blamed myself for his not liking me and got emotionally distraught every time I was in his proximity.  Matters just got worse.

  A friendly voice popped in at this point and told me that I was not the first person who had reacted to him like I had.  She told me that it might just be possible that he reminded me of someone that I knew who I had a troubled relationship with.  I thanked her and I pondered what she had said.  I went back in my mind to every harsh comment he had made to me.

  I REALIZED THAT HIS COMMENTS WEREN’T AS HARSH AS MY INTERPRETATION HAD BEEN.  

 I have serious struggles with self-confidence.  It is easier for me to believe that someone else’s opinion (real or imagined) of me has more credibility than my own.

I pondered and I prayed.  God’s gentle voice whispered in my ear that I was definitely intelligent and I was a kind, good person.

  I grabbed that.  

I thought some more. I was with this person for a short period of time.  He was very intelligent and had information that would benefit me.  I just had to get beyond my feelings of intimidation in his presence.  

 That’s where I am tonight. Tomorrow morning, I have to sit through a couple of lectures with this man.  I think I am ready.  I am a child of God.  

 That alone makes me worthy of holding my head up high.  

 Most importantly, I have learned that recognizing that I am intelligent and worthy of healing and learning is okay.  I’m not puffed up or conceited because I recognize that.   I will treat this man with respect and dignity, as I believe I should be treated. If a comment bumps a splinter in my soul, I will take a step back from the situation and ask myself:  “Is there any truth to what is being said?” and “What can I do with that truth to improve myself?”

  REALIZING THAT I AM COMPETENT AND CAPABLE ALLOWS ME TO TAKE CRITICISM AND JUDGE ITS VALUE.

 I’ll check back in with you when this situation is over.  Testing a lesson in the field is as important as the realization itself.  However, with God on my side and the Holy Spirit in my heart, I think I’ll be alright.

 For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth.

                                                                                                                             Psalm 71:5