They Will Be Comforted

Matthew 5:4 New International Version (NIV)

 Blessed are those who mourn,     for they will be comforted.

 Oh, do I mourn these days. It seems that each new memory recovered has an ache to it.  My therapist tells me it is trauma rearing its ugly head amid these memories.  Trauma which will have to be reviewed and dealt with in order to heal.  Yes, I know. I really do not look forward to this. I think I looked forward more to ECT than I do going through my past and ripping grief from my insides to be examined and hopefully cast away.  It reminds me of a dissection.  You must look at the insides to understand how the outsides work.  I haven’t done this since college in the 80’s. (The dissection. If I had dealt with trauma back then, I would not be here right now!)

 So, I search for the memories that will comfort me.  They do not appear easily, but God does not hide them from me altogether.  I have found a cache of photos from when my children were small.  I do not remember what was happening when we took most of them, but that makes me more attentive to the details.  I look at those pictures with more attention than I paid when the actual event was happening.  They bring up emotional memories. This is where my memory is bringing me joy lately. I don’t have to work at it, it just announces itself like a ray of sunshine or a smile.  I look at that picture of my daughter proudly holding her flute or one of my boys receiving an award or just making a goofy face.  My heart is full, and I know that I will be okay.

 God never forgets me. I know there is a reason why I’m traveling down the road I am.  Each bump stabs me, but the sunshine streaming on the thoroughfare fills my body and soul with warmth and hope.  I have mourned and I most likely will continue to.  It seems the fate of humans on this earth.  God, however, holds true to his word always and continues to comfort all of us, each in our singular way.