Who Sinned?

 I was watching a movie today.  It was a historical piece about the death of JFK and the effects on Jackie afterward. I was familiar with the story, having lived through this piece of history, but some of the personal comments made by Jackie were enlightening.  You would hope they were true, but it was hard to tell as Jackie Kennedy Onasis was such a private person.  Anyway, there is a scene where she is in conversation with her priest about JFK’s legacy.  She questions what they had done wrong.  The priest had an enlightening answer for her.  He quotes John 9 to her.  The question was not who had sinned, but how God’s glory was allowed to shine in the resulting circumstances.

 I immediately thought about my own situation.  I never feel I have been living up to God’s expectations of me.  Throughout my illness I’ve felt like somehow my sin was responsible for my mental state. At other times I’ve blamed other people for my illness.  This has gotten me nowhere.  Blame doesn’t heal.  All blame seems to do is create greater wounds.  I have an illness, a very debilitating, heartless, soul-stealing illness. I have no blessed idea how or why I got it.  I’m done trying to beat that answer out of heaven.  What I do know, however, is that this wounding of my soul is an opportunity for Christ to do the miraculous. I believe he is in the process of doing that now.

 Healing comes in many ways. Mine was not immediate and luminous, as some are.  I had a lesson to learn along the way.  God wanted to heal me, but he wanted to heal ALL of me.  I had to put my body and trust into the hands of doctors I did not know to do a procedure that was radical. I prayed.  I sought counsel. I knew this was the right thing to do, and God has not disappointed.  I am more myself than I have been in years.  It was a quiet, gentle miracle, but a miracle nonetheless.

 So now my job is to make sure that others hear about my miracle, about how God has met me and touched my life.  He is making me to be the best me I can be.  The me HE intended for me to be.  That excites me!  It also confuses me – to be honest, much confuses me lately.  I have no idea WHERE I will serve, so I pray and I follow my conscience.   I worship and I study and devote myself to Him.  I know that somewhere in all of that, He will make his will for me known. Right now, I write my little blurbs and testify to what He is doing in my life. And I make sure that I listen carefully, even to silly movies, for His Word and His direction.

 Who would have thought I would have been brought to study John 9 by watching a movie about Jackie Onassis? Yet I have, so I share.  My disease was no mistake – what a concept.  My disease was an opportunity for God to shine in all of His glory in my life and others’ lives.  I am truly blessed!