Grace in Sound and Sight

My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music.

                                                                                Psalm 57:7

There are those times…  Those experiences that engulf you, make you completely oblivious to everything around you.  I had one of these yesterday.  It was an experience of beauty and peace, that my heart hasn’t held in months.

I started at my computer getting ready for a meeting.  I have a hard time concentrating on meetings online. There is always something on my desk or walls or out my window that divert me.  I am much better at in-person meetings, but given the state of the world right now, I am very thankful for on-line meetings!

I thought some music would help me. (Not the best idea, but I’ll get to that later!).  I have always loved classical music.  Mozart and Vivaldi are my favorites, but my absolute favorite piece must be Pachelbel’s Canon in D.  It is ethereal.  Well, I asked my little Google speaker to play some classical music for me.  It is usually a crapshoot as to what I get because I refuse to pay for music service.

While I was sorting out my paperwork, I glanced out my office window.  Let me tell you that I also love the snow.  The freshness, lightness, sparkling beauty of it is a wonder.  I love to take Roland out in the woods after it snows and just wonder in the tree branches all outlined in diamonds!  Well, it was still snowing this morning.  The snow was like diaphanous puffs of white, falling, falling, falling.  I caught my breath at the sight of it.  It was miraculous in its beauty.

At this point, my speaker decided to start playing.  I heard the opening strains of Canon in D engulf my little room.  I truly believe that angels wrote this piece of music.  I closed my eyes and just let it encompass my being.  When I finally was able to catch my breath, I opened my eyes.  My heart stopped and my tears flowed. 

In perfect synchronicity, they were one.  The snow and the music.  The snow floating to the music and the music lifting the snow.  I don’t know quite how to describe it.  The music had become part of the snow and the snow part of the music.  My computer didn’t exist, my room didn’t exist.  All that did exist was the amalgamation of sight and sound, making their own reality.

I was there for a few priceless minutes until I was called back to the mundane, the everyday.  My heart, however, had been healed some from its current lowly place.  I’ve discovered another tool to help me in my continual healing.  Music.  Not the stuff that I think I should like, but the stuff that owns my heart.  As always, music of the outdoors.  The first place I hide from in a depressive episode.

God creates music in nature and through the hands and hearts of men.  To me, Canon in D is the most breathtaking, beautiful piece of music I know.  It soothes my soul.  The sight of the snow in conjunction with this music was holy, mystical.  I was enveloped in peace and soothed in a shroud of sound and sight.  God speaks to me through His creation, often at moments when I don’t expect it.

I am still struggling with MDD and PTSD.  I am slowly remembering the things I love, the sounds, sights, smells, and feelings that comfort and heal me.  I am slowly learning not to push them away, but to invite them back into my heart and let them live there and comfort me.  There is hope.  It comes when you don’t expect it.  God is on His throne and will not leave us if we continue to reach out and wonder at his creation.