Fear Not

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:40

365 Times in the Bible there are verses about fear. Usually, they remind us how God helps us to stand in those fears and endure or overcome them. I have PTSD. I think I’ve mentioned that once or twice. I can only write this post from my own experience because I know that everyone who suffers from it has their own personal hell that they deal with daily. For me, it is the nightmares, or night terrors as they are called also. Last night I had many of them, all different and all petrifying. I don’t usually remember most of them, just my emotions when I wake and the feeling that even though I’ve slept an entire night, I am still exhausted. I really prefer not to remember, and I no longer tell anyone other than a professional the details of them. I won’t subject my husband to them anymore.  Yeah, they are that horrific.

My psychiatrist and I have conferred about this issue.  He is great at helping me to understand the issue from a physical perspective.  Like many others, I am on medication to help my brain regulate itself in my dreams (or something like that!)  It does help for me, but the problems of blood pressure regulation are an issue as well.  At the dose I can take, I get some help. Still, those dreams do slither into my mind like light through a cracked door.  I am grateful for the help I get, but I know others who don’t get any.

I talk to my therapist about these dreams. She will remind me that they are memories of the past that come at night when I am less prepared to defend myself. During the day I can face and fight my past or push it away. When I dream, I am tied to my bed, and they play in my mind like a horror film that I can’t look away from. She has suggested too that I stay away from TV before going to bed. With all the cop shows my husband likes, that is very good advice for me. Too bad I don’t always take it!

I’ve been told to pray, to read the verses about fear before I lay my head down. This is also helpful. I have many clear nights after filling my mind with
God’s word before I sleep. The problem is that I can’t keep reading until I fall asleep. I did find some help for that though. YouTube channel has videos that last 6-10 hours of soft music and people reading the Bible. There are specific ones about fear. I think out of all I have tried; this has been the greatest help.  Those blessed words enter my brain and fight the evil that my past tries to revisit on me. I try to remember every night, but the difference is marked when I don’t play the verses,

Even though my experience of night terrors is so different from those I know, there are some similarities. We share experiences and advice with each other. I’ve shared what I’ve written here as well. I don’t think we need to believe in God for Him to stand up for us. I could be wrong. All I know is that the “Sword of the Spirit” fights for me each night and I am grateful for it. (For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints, and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12)

My conclusion in this little blurb is this: Know Your Enemy. My therapist has been so gentle in discussing the blackness in my life with me. I trust her and that is why she can help. Understanding my past and facing it helps me. Not everyone is at the point where they can do that though. My psychiatrist has helped me understand the mechanism of these dreams and tried to help me physically to battle them. Lastly, I do believe that these dreams are from Satan. EVERYTHING I can do to battle them, I will. His word is a sword, standing with my other defenses to fight for my protection. I am grateful for psychology, psychiatry, and theology. Some will say that one negates another. In my life, in my mind, I find each invaluable in my healing and enjoying my life again.

But still..365 verses about fear…