Where Do I Go From Here?

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

                                                                             Proverbs 19:21

In one of my recent posts, I talked about finding purpose in my life.  It was a general idea; I didn’t go into depth about how I would like that purpose to play out.  Mainly, it was because even the idea of finding purpose has been alien in the last ten or so years of my life.  I’ve been in survival mode, taking each day and getting through it.  I’ve been trying to recover and still give some of myself to my family. 

Following the death of my father, I have faced some sorry truths about my childhood and my family.  I was in a very dark place for several weeks.  The miracle is that I endured that time and came through it stronger and with a sense of self and purpose I did not have before.  I’m ready to go!  I know, however, that I need to temper that urge to get out and try to change the world with the awareness of my remaining fragility.

So…I know I have a purpose.  I know my purpose comes from God.  One thing I don’t know yet, what is that purpose?  In general, I know that my purpose involves the redemption of the illness and pain I have endured these last ten years.  I write here and know that some of you see this.  I hope it is helpful, it is incredibly helpful to me to get it down where I can review it when I’m going through a tough time.

But there is more.  I pray to God and know that he will reveal it in his time.  My children are grown and need me less and less.  I have my husband who has taken care of me all this time.  Time for me to do the same for him. 

I’ve thought about working.  I want desperately to become a Certified Peer Support Specialist.  There are jobs out there where I could use my pain and help others fighting through the same.  I’ve been working towards this goal, but it’s incredibly difficult to get training to even take the certification tests.  I keep applying, knowing that if it is God’s will for me to do this work, I will eventually get in.

I’ve spoken before about working in a mental health support group, specifically one in my church.  Again, this does not exist, and I pray God will lead me here as well.  These opportunities and ideas can’t keep coming to me without ONE coming to fruition.  Is God teaching me discernment and patience here?  I think maybe so.

I’m ready.  I will be patient.  I know I have a purpose and I know it will be revealed to me.  In the meantime, I keep going to groups, working with my mental health team, writing here, and loving my friends and family.

I promise the next post will be lighter!  I know I’ve been wrestling with deep ideas and thoughts.  I have a sassy idea for a post about DBT (Diabolical Behavioral Therapy), TIPS, ADD, and all the myriad acronyms one must learn when they have a mental illness.

Till then, have a blessed day!