Big Emotions

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.  Psalm 9:9-10

I know I said it would be a while before I wrote again, but the Big Emotions have been hitting me the past few days.  I don’t know what else to do with them but to write.

Today especially have been bouts of sobbing, painful tears, and half-smiles carrying the weight of a cinder block.  I’m depressed again.  I don’t know what to do with it.  It hurts so badly and DBT skills are an annoyance, not a help.  I’m sure they will help soon, but right now I cannot contemplate a time when my heart doesn’t feel as shredded as it does now.

Prayer is the first and strongest answer.  I don’t know why I feel that God doesn’t want to hear me, but I do.  I’ve got to get past this as well.  I was so well a week ago.  I was planning for the future.  Medically, nothing has changed except my chest is in a vice grip and it is so hard to breathe and think.

No easy wrap-up today.  I am writing.  This is always good for me.  I will now search my Bible for an appropriate verse to use with this short blurb.  I am Braver than I believe, Stronger than I seem, Smarter than I think, and Loved more than I know.  Attribute this to the great philosopher Winnie the Pooh.

I love all of you out there who struggle with all forms of mental illness.  Keep fighting.  Life is worth every day of battle we give.