My Best Friend

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. 

Proverbs 17:17 

I’ve recently had a project that required me to dig into my past in much detail. It wasn’t my childhood, so it wasn’t as traumatic a project as it might have been. I was looking through the timeline of my married life. Thirty + years now. The visit had its own trauma, guilt, and shame. It was redeemed in the end by my best friend, and husband, Paul. 

When Paul and first met and were married, we were ready to take on the world! I think most new couples feel the same. We moved numerous times, had children, settled down, and got down to the business of raising them and becoming part of our community. All seemed to be going well, but I had difficulty staying with one thing at a time. One church, one social group, one job, one way of schooling our children, and one major in college for myself. I flitted, and Paul was so patient. He believed in me. 

One day, however, that all changed. I had the first of numerous crashes in my mental state. It is hard to type it here, but I wanted to end my life. Not because of my husband or children, (they were ultimately the ones who kept me here), but because of a past that was relentless in its pursuit of my sanity. I was running from myself, and everyone knows that is impossible to do for long. 

Once again, my life changed. No longer school meetings and church luncheons, but doctors and hospitals. Prescriptions and schedules. As my life changed drastically, so did Paul’s. No one would have faulted him for leaving me at that point. I was no wife to him. I remember being terrified that he would leave me in this condition where I didn’t know what was going on. But guess what, he didn’t.  

I picked Proverbs 17:17 for this post because it describes my husband, my friend, perfectly. He has never stopped loving me, even after years of fighting the beast. He rarely complains about taking me to doctor’s appointments, bringing me laundry lists of things at the hospital, or just holding me when nothing makes sense. 

Paul is strong but doesn’t draw attention to it. Like his father did, he just gets what needs to be done, done. He loves me and to the best of his ability will not let me beat myself up for an illness that I did not cause. He encourages me to do what I can to get better. He tries to keep our life as “normal” as it can be. He seldom lets me feel sorry for myself and will push me to take on what I can. 

You see, a husband isn’t just a provider, a person who watches over you, but he is a friend. That friend who loves you to the depths of his soul. Who sees you as your best self, not the tattered human you may be at that time. I am so blessed to have such a friend. My friend who stands beside me to this day.  

As I improve, I see much more clearly all that Paul has done for me, and what he is in my life. He is melded into my heart, a part of me that is strength and comfort all in one. I thank God for him, for knowing back in my younger, healthy years, that I would need this particular person for my husband, my friend when times get dark. Paul, you are my strength through this adversity and I love you.