All We Like Sheep

All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the sins of us all.

Isaiah 53:6 NLV

Photo thanks to Adrian Infermos

Thanksgiving is this week, and after that is the onslaught of the Christmas season.  There is a voice, soft, yet insistent that is there every year reminding us that Christmas has a deeper meaning than the parties, gifts, and decorations that we enjoy.  Well, that some of us enjoy.

I am a nautilus this time of year. You know, the sea creature with the swirly shell that he can go deeper and deeper into as the need arises. I start out with general excitement, not having thought through what the season will bring and what society might expect from me during it.  (Of course, this “societal expectation” is just a construct of my mind!)

Those expectations do not come from God. He would have us focus on one thing, the birth of the greatest gift to all humanity – Jesus. Each generation in its own way has moved further and further from this truth. Now, this year, I am left with an impossible set of activities and traditions to address.

Back to my nautilus. The season and all that goes with it hits me like a wall right about Thanksgiving. I dive into that shell, pushing myself inside as deeply as I can. I hide. I cannot keep up with all the claims on my time, attention, and finances so I freeze. The day comes closer, and I panic.

This year my dear Pastor has opened my mind and heart and reminded me of what is necessary. The babe in the manger and what His impact on our life has been. That star in the sky is a beacon to all we sheep, and the wise follow it.

With this renewed perspective in my mind and heart I can go into this season. Depression and anxiety have been pressing down on me with a force I have not felt in a long time.  We struggle financially, and my loving husband keeps much of this from me so that my mind doesn’t suffer more. I love him for that, but I need to live in reality. My point of view needs to change to face that reality.

What is necessary:  my family, my Lord, showing love to all of those I encounter.

What is nice:  Being able to give gifts, go to events, decorate, and bake as I’d like.

What is MOST important:  Keeping my heart close to God’s. I am of no use to anyone or myself if I allow the Depression and Anxiety to take over. Then I become a shell. Hard and protected from the world outside.

This sheep is going to travel, albeit in a zigzag fashion, towards that manger this year. I will participate in traditions that support this end. I am attempting to replace my false worries of not being able to live up to expectations that don’t really matter, and using my imagination and my heart to live within my means.  My financial means of course, but also my emotional and physical means.

I want to go through this season on GOD’S terms.  His demands on me are so much lighter than my demands on myself.

  ²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matt. 28-30.

The yoke I have placed upon myself all of these years has been overwhelming.  Somehow Christ has gotten lost in the holiday, and I never feel like I’ve measured up to the imaginary deadweight I try to bear.

I will give what I’m able to give materially.  I will give ALL I have to give with my heart. I will not force myself to do things that I “should” and save my mental strength for those things that are important. People I love and love me.

Dealing with mental illness on an “average” day is hard. Each year, the holidays can feel like a pile of rocks pressing down on me. The pressure slowly takes my breath away.  I WILL make my focus this year on that star and the baby in the manger.  This sheep WILL go her own way, towards love and peace, the true “meaning of the season.”