Changing Seasons

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1

I’ve recently moved into a new chapter in my journey through life. I am nostalgic, but looking forward to what is to come and the opportunities to grow and serve others.

The 4+ years I’ve spent in the day program I was fortunate enough to attend have aided me in developing new skills in how I approach others and more importantly, how I see myself. The Bible gives so many examples of how we are made in God’s image and the great love He has for each of us. I understood the words, but they never reached the depths of my soul. There was always doubt. I think that is part of being human. By learning that being human is ok, I was able to incorporate God’s acceptance and love more readily.

One of the fondest memories I’ll have of my days with this amazing group of people is how I was able to relax and not strive to be perfect all of the time. Perfectionism is a heavy weight around one’s neck. It causes stress and constant feelings of inadequacy. Art group, in particular, helped me let that weight go and embrace myself and all of my imperfections.

The most notable example of this is my quest for the perfect circle. When we would go to group, our leader would tell us not to look for perfection, but to trust the process. I had no idea what that meant. I would take my compass and my protractor and try to measure out my artwork precisely. It wasn’t any fun, but I continued to draw my perfect circles while missing out on the joy of just creating. One day, our leader encouraged me to put away my tools and just draw. Make imperfect circles. It was so hard at first, but gradually I forgot about my tools and just allowed myself to create. Tuesday afternoons (When we did art) became my favorite time of the week.

By accepting imperfection in myself I was able to relax and accept myself as is. God is enigmatic. I had heard His word about acceptance and love, but always considered it as His acceptance of me, as His love of me. I still fought that fight of not loving myself. I was Sisyphus. Caught in an unending cycle of rolling that boulder of perfection just short of the top and having it crash down on me again.

I am grateful for my time in day group. I already miss the faces, the laughter, the learning. I’m learning to grow in new ways now. One of the lessons I take most to heart was impressed into my mind as I was leaving for the last time. Our leader said to me, “Keep making imperfect circles!” I immediately understood. I am beautiful in all the imperfections I have on this side of heaven. I WIll keep making imperfect circles and enjoy the process of living.